The Tour From Hell

by Erin Blair

TITLE: The Tour From Hell
AUTHOR: Erin M. Blair
CLASSIFICATION/CATEGORIES: SHA--Story, Humor, Angst. CONTENT: Mulder/Scully UST. MulderTorture. DISTRIBUTION/ARCHIVE STATEMENT: OK at Gossamer, Ephemeral, Mulder's Refuge, MiJ, and After the Fact. RATING: PG
SPOILERS: The End. There is a small future spoiler for Hollywood AD, but this is really a post-episode fic for The End.
SETTING: It's shortly before Fight the Future. DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter.
DATE: Completed June 25, 2004
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to Jen for beta reading this story. I'm grateful for your help, guidance, and support. I couldn't have finished this story without you.
SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully have to be
tour guides for a busload of children at the FBI after their basement office burned down.

Written for the The Golden Gurney June Challenge.

The Tour From Hell
by Erin M. Blair

The FBI Tour had a shortage of tour
guides and they were expecting
a huge amount of tourists to trek to the Hoover building. Skinner thought it was due to the worldwide promotion of a movie from that television show on the FOX network. They were even releasing toy figures of the characters for the school age set. Children wanted to meet the real Mulder and Scully because of that show.

When the basement office burnt down, Mulder and Scully were being threatened with separation. When Skinner told them that they would be temporary tour guides for awhile, he noticed that Mulder and Scully wore similar expressions of shock.

"Mulder? Scully? Did you hear what I just said?" Skinner inquired of his agents.

"No," Mulder said in a small voice.

"It's only temporary until we find a place for the both of you," Skinner replied. "I know it's not the greatest thing in the world to do, but you would be pleasing the biggest load of tourists that the FBI has ever seen."

"Can we go on domestic terrorism instead? I'd rather do that than deal with a busload of children!" Mulder said with pleading eyes.

"Agents, you're going to do this assignment whether you like it or hate it. I don't want to see any complaints by the teachers and parents of these children on my desk tomorrow," Skinner said.

Mulder and Scully were walking down the hallway. "This is scut work, Scully. I can't believe this. All because of some stupid annoying film based on us!"


"Scully, this sucks. I know this is because I made some totally crappy decisions on our last case! If I didn't make the decision to deal with the shooter, we'd still have the X-Files."

"Maybe we wouldn't. Like I told you before, they have won this time. We've gotten them back before, Mulder. Remember?"

"It's a little more difficult this time," Mulder said with a sigh.


"I mean it's a bit more difficult to get the X-Files back. It's really complicated. It seems as though the players want to see me suffer."

"I noticed that," she said. "Look, Mulder, you have to think about this positively. We will get them back -- it's just going to be harder this time."

"I understand that, Scully. It's just that I have no patience right now. The past few weeks have been total crap! First, I found out we lost the X-Files. Then our office burned down. Now we're getting scut work!" He paused. He was trying to make sense of it all, but he couldn't. "I wonder: what's next?"

"Mulder, I know this isn't what we would like to do. We have to prove ourselves. We've spent years on them. Now we have to reenter the FBI totem poll with realistic cases to solve. We have to get their respect back. It's not going to happen overnight. Someday we will show them the truth, but it's not going to happen now."

"Tour guides, Scully? I've never done that."

"I guess there's always the first time," Scully said as she gave him a rueful smile. "You might even like it."

"I doubt that. I really do."

The first day of their new assignment, Mulder decided to make the best of it. He didn't like it, but he knew he had to put the best face out there. Otherwise, both of them would be stuck.

Mulder and Scully both wore smiles on their faces. Both of them wanted to make sure that they made the best of it.

Until --

A busload of children walked in the main door of the Hoover building. They were accompanied by their teacher. The teacher looked worn out and she was frowning at the students' behavior.

Mulder leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Scully, we're going to have a problem here."

"Let's try to make the best of it," Scully whispered. "OK?"

"I'll try, Scully. You know how much I want them back," he said.

Their conversation was cut short when one of the boys called out: "Is Fox a real name?"

Mulder frowned. "Yes, it is."

"Fox in the box," grinned the second boy.

Mulder was trying to ignore their comments. He really did try. He hated being teased. He closed his eyes briefly. Tears welled in his hazel eyes as it brought back painful schoolyard memories of his classmates relentless teasing.

No wonder he hated his first name.

"Mulder, don't let them get to you," said Scully. She reached out to grab his hand protectively. "Let's just get through this day. They are really coming to see us since that film is going to open next week."

"This is going to try my patience," he whispered as he gritted his teeth.

The children were talking all at once. They were yelling, "Fox and Dana went up a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Mulder looked at the teacher. "Will you please control your students?"

"They always behave like this," Miss King said as she frowned at the agents. "Especially Robert and Tommy."

"God, I feel like I'm back on the playground again," Mulder muttered underneath his breath.

Scully knew Mulder didn't like the situation that they were in one bit, but these kids were making it very unbearable. She had to do something.

Anything to make a bad situation bearable.

Then ---

"Miss King, it would be extremely respectful of you to take serious control of your students. If you don't, then Agent Mulder and I will have to stop the tour," Scully said in her most forceful take charge voice.

"It's really hard, Agent Scully."

Scully wouldn't take any reluctance from this teacher. From being with her, it dawned on her that that poor teacher was young and she didn't know how to stand up to her students. "Do it." She paused. "You can't be weak about this. Otherwise, they will control you."

The noise level was getting rowdy. It was hard to talk to anyone at this decibel. Scully noticed that Mulder was frowning and his hands grabbed his head. He seemed, from what she could tell, to be in massive pain.

She went towards him. "Mulder, are you all right?"

"Scullee. I am in serious pain."

"Your head?"

Mulder nodded. "It hurts so much." His frown deepened. The bright lights seemed to flash around him and the room was spinning around him. He wished his head wasn't in continuous pounding.

Then he went down. All he could hear was Scully yelling, "Agent down."


Mulder heard the voice of an angel as
he opened his eyes. It hurt so much to
see, but he saw Scully standing beside
him. "Where are we?"

"We're at the hospital. You fainted, Mulder."

"What about the tour?"

"We didn't finish it, but the FBI Tour Office told them that Agent Reynolds will be back from maternity leave to handle them."


"Skinner told me that we're going to be sent to Dallas next week," Scully said as she smiled at him. "You had me so worried for you. When you fainted, it scared me."

"I was scared, too."

"I know what you have. They didn't find anything wrong, Mulder. They gave
you a CT and a MRI, and the results
showed that there's nothing wrong with you." She paused. "You had a migraine. They're going to give you something that will relieve them. At first, the doctors told me that they're going to give you 275 mg of naproxen sodium two times a day."

"Is that over-the-counter?"

"No, Mulder, it's prescription strength. You're going to be monitored for the time being. There might be a regular occurrence and the doctors will readjust your dosage or switch to a different treatment as needed."

"This isn't a brain tumor?" Mulder asked. His hazel eyes were filled with fear. "Scully?"

"No, it's not a brain tumor. It's not cancer."

Mulder was filled with relief. "I was so scared back there. I thought something was seriously wrong with me."

"Millions of people have migraines for unknown reasons. They live with them, Mulder. If this happens to be a regular thing, then you will live with them. I will be there for you regardless."

"I'm glad, Scully," he said. He gazed into her clear blue eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're so important to me. I care so much about you."


"I know there are times when I'm a complete jerk to you, but you're the one that I couldn't imagine living without."

"Mulder, I...I feel the same way about you."

"You do?"

Scully nodded. "I guess this always seem to happens when one of us ends up in a hospital, Mulder."



"You were right. We shouldn't give up on on hope," Mulder said as he reached to take her hand in his. "Never give up on a miracle."

Scully gave him a smile. "We won't."

"But I'll never work with children again," Mulder said wryly. His voice was light. The color had come back to his face.

Scully lightly smiled at him. Her blue eyes sparkled with gladness. She knew Mulder was on his way back to himself. "Mulder, you've finally found the one thing you lost this year. I know it's not the truth, but you have your spirit back."

For the first time in a week, Mulder felt as though they could accomplish anything as long as they were together. "They could take everything away from me, but they could never sever the love I have for you, Scully." He paused. "No matter what happens to us, I believe in us. I'm not going to let them win."


"I decided that I won't let them beat me while I'm down. You once told me that you felt the strength of my beliefs, Scully. I promise you that I'll do everything possible to conquer them," Mulder said as he grasped Scully's hand with a slight pressure. "If we quit now, they win."

Scully's eyes welled with unshed
tears. She was visibly touched by
his words. At first, she didn't know how to respond. "Mulder, we won't quit. I
believe in us."

Mulder smiled. "I believe in us, too."

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Author's Notes:

This story was written for The Golden Gurney June Challenge. The theme was: "Never work with children or animals." I would like to thank everyone at Mulder's Refuge for being so supportive and helpful to me.

I would like to thank Jen for helping me out with this story.

This is my first MulderTorture fic that I ever started and finished. I never thought I would write one...but I love trying new things. This was a tremendous joy for me to write.

I thought I would do something with what I truly being s suffering from for the past few years: migraines. They're very horrible. :(

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Erin Blair