TITLE: The First Time
RATING: Strong R
SPOILERS: Everything through season six FEEDBACK: firstname.lastname@example.org Good feedback is cherished, negative stuff will make me cry, so please don't bother DISCLAIMERS: Still not mine, dammit
AUTHOR'S NOTES: At the end of the story DEDICATION: This sequel to Katie Phillip's "Murder In The Capital" was written in honour of my darling Kimberly, in celebration of her thirty-second birthday. You should probably read Katie's story first. It's not absolutely necessary, but it's a great casefile, so why not? It's only on Ephemeral right now, but here's a link to Part One:
http://www.ephemeralfic.org/read.phtml?idx=1090720156 BETA THANKS: To wonderful Carol, who did an amazing job SPECIAL THANKS: To my mentor S, who always wants me to post the best story possible. Thanks also to Robin, for looking this over.
The First Time
The first time Mulder and Scully made love was nothing like Mulder's dream. True, Scully had just recovered from a life-threatening injection of poison, and Mulder wondered--to himself and out loud--if she was indeed up to the rigors of lovemaking. And like the dream, Scully reassured him that she was, as always, "fine." They weren't in a hotel by the sea, however, and there wasn't much talking.
The reservations for the seaside inn had been booked, and Mulder and Scully would be there in two days. The picture on the brochure showed a quaint place nestled on the edge of a rocky cliff, overlooking the ocean. The route they would travel was already plotted on the map; the car had been serviced. Everything was ready for the trip that promised to forever alter their relationship.
But this night found them together in Mulder's apartment, a familiar sanctuary to which Scully had come after being released from the hospital the day before. It felt safe, and right to be there, and that first night, Scully slept on Mulder's soft bed with her partner wrapped around her, keeping the nightmares at bay. She slept well for the first time in weeks, and looked forward to five days of sun and surf, Mulder by her side.
The next night was different. During the day, Mulder packed their clothes--he had gone to the trouble of gathering all Scully's things from her hotel room and having them cleaned-- and got ready for their get-away. Scully, still weak from the lingering effects of the poison, remained close by, either reading on the sofa, or propped up by pillows on Mulder's bed, offering suggestions or discussing some aspect of the case they had so recently solved.
The case was classified as "Solved" and not "Closed" because the killer had never been caught. They had identified him, and it appeared he had elected to leave town to avoid arrest, but there would always be a niggling fear in the backs of their minds that he might one day return to finish off Mulder and Scully as he had tried so diligently to do before. He had almost been successful, and there would never be a sense of closure to the case until he was apprehended.
Still, it was not so much a sense of unease that kept the former partners on the topic of the Capital Murders as it was of avoidance. What they were avoiding was any kind of personal discussion, although there were most certainly some personal matters on both of their minds. As of yet, there had been no real resolution of the issue of Scully's abrupt departure from The X-Files, and from Mulder, almost three years before. It would have to be addressed sometime before they arrived at their hotel the next night however, because it seemed very likely that once they checked into the single room Mulder had booked--with Scully's knowledge and permission--they would be facing a discussion of a more intimate nature.
There was no denying that there had been an immediate reconnection almost as soon as Scully walked into Skinner's office where the task force assigned to catch the 'Capital Killer' was gathering. There was no denying that toward the end of the case, Mulder and Scully were working together almost as if there had been no three-year hiatus in their partnership. Furthermore, there was no use denying the strong physical attraction that had developed by the end of the case. Mulder and Scully had worked together, and they had worked apart from each other. There seemed to be a tacit understanding that together was better, and there no longer appeared to be any reason to avoid taking their relationship to a higher level.
Simply put, Mulder wanted Scully, and Scully wanted Mulder. Neither doubted that the night they checked into the hotel, they would achieve the intimacy they both so strongly desired. Getting to that point from where they were now, however, was not going to be an easy path. Neither wanted to be the one to begin the discussion, yet the longer they avoided it, the more ill-at-ease they both became.
It came as no surprise to either one that they would both reach the figurative breaking point at the exact same time.
They began to speak simultaneously, and surprising each other, stopped talking at precisely the same time as well. Each looked at the other and they both broke into wide grins.
"Neither of us says a word for two hours, and then we're suddenly compelled to speak at the same time. Go ahead, you first," offered Mulder, nodding slightly at Scully.
"No big deal, Mulder. I think you started first. I can wait." Scully watched Mulder's face as she spoke, but ended up casting her eyes downward in what was now a familiar defense mechanism.
Mulder had seen that particular form of intimacy avoidance too many times from his former partner, and he knew that this time they had come too far to retreat to their old familiar dance. He straightened from where he'd been bent over his dresser, and walked to where Scully was now sitting upright on his bed. He took her by the shoulders purposefully, yet taking care not to alarm or distress this woman who meant so much to him.
When Scully met his eyes, she was briefly startled by Mulder's intensity, but forced herself not to turn away. She too, sensed that
they had progressed beyond that point where one or both would back away when it appeared that friendship might progress to something more. Startled to realize that she truly wanted something more, her whispered "Oh," was almost a gasp, soft and breathy against Mulder's face.
It was Mulder's turn to be struck by what was now happening between them, and when he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse. "No Scully, you're wrong. It is a big deal, and I don't think it can wait. I think we waited far too long as it is, and I'll be damned if I'll let you go before we've both had a chance to say exactly how we feel."
Mulder sat on the edge of the bed and turned to face Scully once more. This time he took her hand and squeezed it gently, while his other hand went to her face. His thumb brushed lightly over her cheek, as he spoke from his heart. "Scully, I'm still not sure what happened between us after Texas, but I know I never should have let you go. I guess I was hurt that you would even consider leaving, and pride kept me from trying to stop you, but I want you to know, that I missed you every single day you were gone. I'm glad, so glad you came back, and I want you to stay. Stay with me, please."
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as Scully stared at her best friend, and felt his words touch her heart. She clasped his hand and placed her fingertips on his chest. "When we sit here like this, I'm not even sure what made me leave, Mulder. I remember my mother begging me not to leave in anger. And I remember telling her that I wasn't angry--I had to leave because the trust between us had eroded somehow, and the pain of that was just too hard to face on a daily basis. I know I felt like something was broken, but I'm not at all sure, at this moment, why I didn't fight to fix it. I guess I convinced myself that you didn't believe in me anymore, and I couldn't accept a partnership, much less a relationship, on those terms. I know that I wanted you to come after me, to try to change my mind and bring me home, but I also know that I probably would not have come."
"Wait Mulder, let me finish. I may never have this much courage again." Mulder twined the fingers of their joined hands together, and waited for her to continue. Watching her intently, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, Mulder nodded slightly, urging her on.
"I...I needed the time we spent apart to learn who I was, and what I wanted. It wasn't easy and I changed my mind more than once while I was figuring it out. I did well professionally right from the start in Salt Lake City, though. I didn't know a soul, so I threw myself into the work. I made a few educated guesses that turned out to be correct, and they helped solve some pretty high profile cases. Important people in the Bureau started noticing my work, and their praise and respect was flattering. It was more than flattering, it was heady stuff, and I learned to relish it. I spent all my time either working, writing about my cases, or being wined, dined, and toasted by Bureau brass and law enforcement alike. I'm not bragging--I only want you to understand how it was for me. I never forgot you, but gradually, over time, I finally stopped aching for you."
As if this admission was simply too much, Scully broke eye contact briefly, but quickly regained her composure and offered a small smile.
"You ached for me?" Mulder's eyes were wide with astonishment, causing Scully's smile to widen a tiny bit.
"Yes Mulder," she whispered. I ached for you for a long time." The smile was replaced by a look so earnest, Mulder felt his heart clench.
"But you got over it. You don't ache any more." He'd said it as a statement, but his tone was so wistful that Scully recognized it as a question as well.
"I thought I did, but maybe I just got numb. Maybe I was only fooling myself." Blue eyes met his, and they were so honest they stole his breath. She held his gaze. "I ache for you now, Mulder," and bowing her head, "I ache for you still."
To say 'I ache for you, too' didn't seem adequate to express the depth of his gratitude and an eternity of longing, so Mulder leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. Electricity fueled by love and lust and empty years apart, turned their kiss to fire, and they opened their mouths, so hungry for each other they could barely breathe. Mulder pulled her close to his heart, until her breasts were crushed against his chest, until the line of heat between them became almost unbearable. When they separated minutes later, their foreheads came together as they gulped lungfuls of fresh air. The deep cold that had pervaded Mulder's soul had disappeared, replaced by something that was at once calming and euphoric.
"Welcome home, Scully. This is where you belong--I'm sure of it. I'm not a whole person without you, and I don't ever want to feel that alone again."
Pulling back, Mulder kissed her forehead, her nose--and made her giggle--and with his eyes locked on Scully's, he moved to reclaim her mouth. This kiss wasn't fierce and desperate--this kiss was tender and so full of love that they groaned against each other's lips. Fingertips brushed against temples and fingers tangled in hair. Hands clutched not with awkward ferocity, but with the calm assurance of promises unspoken but louder than the furious pounding of their hearts.
"Mulder, I feel..." she stopped, unable to find the words to describe the way their mutual declarations had reached a part of her that had been buried long ago.
"How do you feel, Scully? Tell me how you feel right this minute."
"And then you'll tell me?"
"And then I'll tell you."
"I feel joy, Mulder. Now I know what joy feels like. And calm, like I'm finally at peace. I feel like I found a treasure I didn't know I'd lost." Scully's face held a serenity he'd never seen there before, and she was so beautiful he wasn't sure he could speak. "Now tell me, Mulder. I need to know this is right for both of us."
"This is right, Scully. I've never felt so right or sure of anything in my life. I've spent years searching for the 'Truth,' but I couldn't find it because I'm broken without you. You fix me; you make me whole. There are truer truths than those I've searched for. Maybe I will find out the truth about government conspiracies, and alien invasions, and spaceships, but I can't do it without you. I won't do it without you."
"You won't have to Mulder, I'm not going anywhere."
"That's good to hear, Partner." Mulder's smile was a thing of beauty, and Scully found herself remembering how she melted inside the first time she laid eyes on him, now so many years ago.
"It is, isn't it? You know Mulder, I spent all day worrying about what's going to happen when we finally arrive at the hotel tomorrow. I mean I know what you want to have happen..." Scully twisted the comforter from Mulder's bed in her hands as she spoke.
"You don't want it, too?" Mulder's forehead creased with concern, and doubt clouded his eyes.
"I do--at least I thought I did." Mulder's anxiety was evident, and she hurried to allay his fears. "When we were investigating that case together, it got to feel like old times so quickly. When you wanted to stay the night, I realized that I wanted you to stay. It was like I suddenly understood that there was no reason to fight the attraction that I started feeling for you a long time ago."
Mulder's expression was now one of quiet amusement. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he went into full Innuendo Mulder mode. "Just how long ago did you start feeling for me, Scully?"
"Stop making a joke of this, Mulder!" she chided, but he could tell from her smile that she wasn't angry, just comfortable. This was safe. This was familiar, and yet different at the same time. She took a deep breath and dived in. "I realized that you weren't just kidding around. And I realized that I wanted you to make love to me."
"God, Scully. Pinch me--or better yet, don't." Mulder was smiling, but his eyes were serious. "Do you know how many times I dreamed of you saying that to me?"
"Tell me, Mulder. How many times?" Scully's smile was playful and easy, and her eyes sparkled when she looked at him.
Mulder felt his throat close up briefly, and he coughed a little as he realized that he was responsible for that sparkle. "A lot of times, but they never felt as good as this does now." His voice was ragged and hoarse, but his eyes were shining now too, and his smile was confident again.
"Gee Mulder, if I want you, and you want me, maybe we should, I don't know, do something about it?" This time when Scully smiled, it told of love and certainty, and the promise of something new about to begin.
"Oh yeah, let's 'do something.'" His words mimicked hers. "Let's do lots of things. I've waited for years to make love to you, but I don't think I can wait much longer."
"That's OK Mulder, I don't want you to. Wait, I mean. I know we were both thinking about what will happen tomorrow, but I think tomorrow is too far away."
Looking in his eyes, Scully knew Mulder wouldn't argue. He was gazing at her as if she held the answers to all the questions he'd ever had, and perhaps she did.
Reaching out, they wrapped their arms around each other and fell back onto the bed. Their kiss was long and deep, and sweet and hot, and it re-ignited the fire that had smoldered while they made their declarations of hope, faith, and desire. As they lay there, Scully's free hand went to Mulder's head, and she threaded her fingers through his silky hair. His hand moved to caress Scully's back, first touching that spot low on her spine that he had long ago claimed as his own, then moving up as their passion increased.
Pausing for a second, Mulder brought his hand to the front of Scully's sweatshirt, and lightly cupped her breast. She opened her eyes and found Mulder looking at her intently. He broke their kiss to ask, "Is this okay?"
Scully smiled and nodded, granting permission. Too reserved to say that she wanted very much for Mulder to touch her everywhere, she showed him how she felt by arching into his palm. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and Mulder grinned.
"You like that, Scully?" His mouth was so close to her ear that his breath tickled her, and she returned his grin. She nodded again,this time more emphatically, and Mulder swiped his thumb across the precise spot where her nipple hardened beneath the heavy fabric. "I can't feel much through this sweatshirt, Scully. I think you should lose it."
When she made no protest, Mulder reached for the hem of the shirt and began to pull it upward. Scully sat up to facilitate its removal and began pulling on Mulder's shirt. They managed to remove each other's shirts without tangling their arms completely,and Mulder cupped Scully's breasts through her lacy bra.
"This is nice," he breathed, hooking an index finger beneath each strap, and sliding them down over her shoulders.
"I wore it for, for you, just in case..." Her voice was so soft Mulder knew she was still wary of what was to come, and he wanted more than anything to reassure her. He tilted her chin with his finger until she was looking directly at him.
"I appreciate that, Scully. I do. Would it seem like I was being ungrateful if I wanted to take it off?"
When she smiled, Mulder could see some of the tension leave her. "I guess I'd be worried if you didn't want to, but I'm feeling a little awkward here."
Scully had a tendency to lick her lips when she was nervous. Mulder had always found the habit slightly arousing, but now the arousal factor had been turned up a notch or two. He found himself staring at those lips in fascination, wondering what it would feel like to have them pressed to his body the way a lover might do.
"Sorry, Scully. I was getting a little ahead of myself there." His smile made him look boyish and almost innocent. "I don't want you to feel awkward. Do you trust me?"
"With my life."
"Then you know I won't do anything you don't want me to do, and you have to know I'd never do anything to hurt you."
"But we did hurt each other, Mulder. I don't know if I can go through that again, especially not if we take this relationship further." Scully's eyes were wide and Mulder could see both hope and fear in them.
What he wanted to see was desire, raw desire, the kind he felt rising within him. This was Scully, his Scully, sitting on his bed in a lacy black bra and a pair of soft well-worn jeans, and he wanted her so bad he could almost taste her. Mulder wanted to taste her--every inch of her--but he needed to be sure she was comfortable with that before he started something that might be impossible to stop.
"No more hurting each other, Scully. If I'm doing something that hurts you, that makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, from now on I want you to tell me. And if I feel like we're not being honest or up front with each other, I'll let you know. We can make this work, because we know what happens when we don't have each other in our lives. I know I don't want that again, and I don't think you do either."
"No, you're right. I don't"
Mulder leaned in for another kiss, and the instant heat surprised them both. While their tongues explored each other's mouths, Mulder reached behind Scully to unclasp her bra. Feeling her press herself further into his embrace was the assurance that he needed to tug the frilly garment from her body, and when her breasts molded against his chest, he moaned softly into her mouth. He reached between them with one hand, and cupped her right breast, swiping his thumb over the taut nipple.
Scully broke the kiss inhaling sharply, and as she moved back slightly she brought her left arm up and across her chest. Her head down, she seemed to be retreating again.
"Scully," he whispered into her neck "it's just me."
"I know, Mulder, but that's what makes it seem so odd. We're partners, and partners don't do things like this. I've been in sexual relationships before, but never with a friend--never with my best friend."
"What better person for it to be with?" As he spoke he reached for her arm. "Scully, let me look at you." He pulled gently at her arm, keeping his eyes locked on hers. When he felt the resistance lift, he nodded slightly and looked down at her now-uncovered breasts. One word, "Scully," before he bent forward to take her perfect nipple into his mouth. He caressed first one breast and then the other, hands switching places with insistent mouth.
Scully's chest rose and fell sharply as Mulder continued his ministrations, and she clutched at his hair with surprising strength. Spreading kisses over her chest, Mulder worked his way up her neck to her mouth once more. Her kisses were intoxicating, and her impassioned response spurred him on.
Hands reached between them, stroking and smoothing and claiming new territory. Soon the weight of their jeans became almost unbearable, and without a word, each moved their hands to the waistband of the other. Popping buttons open and lowering zippers, they continued to kiss, slipping hands into the newly exposed territory.
When he had reached the elastic of her panties, Mulder again pulled back to gauge Scully's reaction. She blinked and the tiniest of smiles said "Yes" without voice. He might have continued had Scully not begun a struggle to slide her hand beneath the elastic waist of his boxers. The mere thought sent shots of electricity through his body, and he had no choice but to stop so he could remove the jeans that were now unbearably tight.
As he stood by the bed and divested himself of both jeans and boxers, Scully watched in wide-eyed wonder. Mulder's obvious arousal seemed to have an equally arousing effect on Scully, and she made no protest when Mulder dragged her jeans down and off her legs.
She flinched just a bit, though, when he reached for her panties, and he stopped to lie down next to her on the bed. He scooted down to where he could easily place open-mouthed kisses on each breast, and then continued a winding path down her body, sometimes kissing, sometimes sucking gently with his soft, full lips.
Mulder's tongue swirled around her navel, and drew a wet line down to the elastic waist of Scully's lacy bikini panties. He raised his head briefly to look at her, and the hunger in his eyes was unmistakable. Scully's legs were crossed demurely at the ankles, so he bent his head to kiss her where her thighs met. She could feel the heat of his mouth through the cool satin material, now moist as her desire rose to meet his own.
Scully's hesitancy to be naked in front of her former partner and friend was fast becoming less of an issue, and when Mulder reached inside her panties, her sharp gasp startled them both. "Do you wantme to stop?" His voice low across her belly only served to fan the fire she felt building within her body.
"No." It was barely audible, but Mulder knew for sure that she wanted him to continue. He touched her ever so lightly, and watched her squirm and writhe on the bed beside him.
Grasping the elastic, he told her "I'm going to take these off now," and he watched as she closed her eyes and bit down on the corner of her lip in assent.
Mulder pulled the scrap of satin and lace down ever so slowly, trailing tiny kisses behind it in its path. Settling next to her, hot against her nude body, he reached over, tenderly opened her, and slid a long finger deep inside. The sensation cause her hips to buck, and he waited for her to settle before adding another finger.
She was so wet and warm, yet after less than a minute of gentle stroking, they were both surprised when Scully arched her back, cried out something that sounded like it might have been his name, and squeezed his hand between her thighs. Mulder watched in awe as Scully's orgasm washed over her, wave after clenching wave, and her body took on a distinct rosy glow, finally going limp for several moments.
"God Scully, you are so beautiful."
"That was...that was amazing."
"Care to try for 'incredible'?" Mulder's voice was soft and low, rasped by raw desire and need. He was right there with her, holding her close as she calmed.
Eyes opened slowly, and she squinted up at him. Her face serene, his beginning to twist in an agony of self-control, their gazes locked onto one another. Mulder dipped his head to drop a tender kiss on her lips before moving into position above her. Scully brought her hands up to where Mulder's rested on either side of her head, and twined her fingers into his. Neither closed their eyes or even blinked, as slowly, slowly Mulder poised then entered her--the finality of that moment could only be met with eyes wide open.
Deep inside the woman he loved beyond all else, Mulder fought for control, as heat and passion threatened to overwhelm him. Still he did not look away, nor did she, finding in his regard not only sexual fervor, but unconditional love and the promise of forever. In her eyes, Mulder found the Truth he had always sought, and lust of an intensity he'd never before imagined.
They began to move together as an unspoken vow was made, and groans low and guttural, escaped their mouths. An intensity born of deepest aphrodisia and want, softened and strengthened by total adoration and devotion, carried them to climaxes one after another, breathtaking in their intensity, perfectly satisfying their mutual hunger.
Spent, they slept, secure in each other's arms. The future of the world might still be uncertain, but for these two, partnered now in every sense, their future together felt sure and strong. From that point on, they would face all things together.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: In addition to being Kim's birthday fic, this story is an answer to the Beyond the Sea Vacation Fic Challenge. The challenge elements are: water (any manner, or form), a map, and a picture or photo. I have the ocean, a map, and a brochure with a picture. I'm good to go.
NOTE ON WORD USAGE: There has been some discussion as to whether the Capital Killer (from "Murder In The Capital") should have actually been the Capitol Killer (from "Murder In The Capitol"). This matter was researched thoroughly, and this might help clear up the confusion: "Washington, D.C., is our nation's capital. Congress meets in the Capitol Building." The murders in question occurred in Washington, DC, not the Capitol
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to salliejohns
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