Matter of Love 1/1

by Erin Blair

Title: Matter of...Love
Author: Erin M. Blair
Classification: SRA- Story, Romance, Angst Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Scully POV. Time Span/Spoilers: One Son. Small spoilers for XF: FTF, The End, The Beginning, One Breath. Set in Season 6. Post ep for One Son. Rating: PG
Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer, Ephemeral, EMXC, After the Fact, XFC archive, Spookys, and other main ones. Others: please ask me first before archiving. I want to see where my story is going. Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder, Scully, and Diana Fowley belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen, and the FOX network.
Acknowledgement: To my beta reader, Jen, who has always been there for me. This story is for her. Summary: Trust turns into love as Scully reflects her feelings for Mulder. Sequel to "Matter Of...Trust."

Written by: Erin M. Blair

After Mulder reassured me that he loved me rather than Diana, I felt secure in my love for him. I couldn't believe I let my feelings of jealousy and insecurity get hold of me. I had always had faith in my ability to see logic but having Diana around made it difficult, to say the least.

I remember the first time I felt this way. It was during our first meeting during the Gibson Praise case. I remember Mulder introducing her to me: "Scully, this is Diana Fowley, my former partner on the X-Files."

There were so many emotions rolling through me like a river on a hot summer's day. I could feel my insecurity bobbing on the surface within me and that was when I knew I was jealous of Diana Fowley.

Although I knew Diana hadn't done anything wrong to deserve my jealousy, I felt threatened by her. I feared what she could possibly do without knowing me. At the meeting, Diana appeared pleasant, helpful, and
knowledgeable about the case at hand --I just didn't want her help.

And I certainly didn't want Mulder to have her help.

I remember heading towards the place where Mulder wanted to meet me sometime during the Gibson Praise case at the Psyche Insititute. That's when I saw Mulder embracing Diana. I tried not to show my feelings. I didn't want Mulder to know how much I love him. At least, not yet. I knew I wasn't ready to tell him how I felt.

I called Mulder on the cell phone to meet me someplace else -- faraway from Diana Fowley -- to discuss the MRI results of Gibson. I knew Mulder would think something was wrong; I just didn't want him to see me like that. My sadness was about to break open in my mind. It was hard putting on a front with Mulder.

I felt so jealous of Diana because I thought Mulder wanted her, not me. I couldn't tell Mulder how I felt. I was scared of losing him to her. After he chose to be with Diana Fowley, I thought he didn't want to be with me. I thought he trusted her more than me. I remembered how insecure I was...wanting to be faraway from Mulder. I would have been at the San Diego Field Office if it wasn't for Mulder entering my apartment to convince me of his love for me.

I closed my eyes and I remembered that day so vividly.

My door was open and I noticed that Mulder walked into my apartment unannounced. We always seemed to do that with each other.

"Scully, what's going on?" Mulder seemed to know what I was feeling, judging by the tone of my voice, as he gazed into my blue eyes.

I drew a sigh. Mulder and I were so connected that I knew he would be over, trying to convince me to stay. "I had a feeling that you'd come. I guess that I should tell you before you find out from AD Kersh."

Mulder asked me in a low voice, almost mumbling over his words. "What is it?"

"I'm transferring to the San Diego FBI
Field Office..."

"You can't leave me..."

"I can and I will."

This reminded me so much of that fateful scene in Mulder's hallway when the bee stung me. "I need you on this, Scully. We're
getting close to the truth... We must be if they gave the X-Files to Spender and Diana."

I tried to find my resolve but I couldn't. "You said her first name, Mulder. Go be with her, not me, if you love her so much," I said as my eyes welled with tears.

I couldn't take this anymore. My emotions got the best of me. I ran towards my bedroom as Mulder followed me. I knew he wasn't going to let this end. Not like this.

"You're wrong!" Mulder paused. "You made me feel like a whole person."

"That's not going to work this time..."

I knew Mulder was going to make me see how much he wanted me. It was time for us to break down the walls.

"Scully, you can't run away from me. We're soulmates. We're made for each other. When I'm with you, I feel so complete. So whole. I can't go on if we're not together. You're the only one I love. Please believe me."

"What did you say?" I asked as I looked into his hazel eyes.

"I said that I love you. I love you, Scully. Not Diana." Mulder paused. "Do you love me?"

"Yes, I love you," I said, touched.

Mulder pulled me close to him and he gazed into my open blue eyes. Suddenly, I could feel his warm lips on mine. My mind flashed to the time when we almost kissed, and I realized that this was going to be different. He wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him. Our lips locked with the intense passion between us and it was the most amazing kiss that I ever had.

After we broke apart, I knew that Mulder realized that I was never going to leave him. I'm going to stay with him. Forever. I began to think that everything was going to be fine for us as much as it can be.

"I'm going to have to ask AD Kersh to rescind that transfer," I said with a beaming smile.

"I'm glad," Mulder said with a murmur. "I may not have the X-Files but I still have you. As long as we're together, nothing else matters." he paused. "I trust you, Scully."

"And I trust you with my heart and soul," I said, as I held him in my arms.

That was then.

Now I know Mulder loves me. He told me how he didn't want to lose me. It was ironic considering how I was scared of losing him. I assured him that I would never leave him because our love was too strong for that.

I know that now.

I have always wondered when trust turned into love for both Mulder and I. Did it happen after we came back from Antarctica or did it happen before?

Or did it happen recently?

I don't know.

I do know he loves me as much I love him.

I wish that I did know when I first fell in love with him. I wish I could pinpoint the very date that our trust turned into love.

However, I knew when we first met that he would change my life...for the better.

I don't know if I've ever felt more alive than I do when I'm with Mulder. When I was in a coma, I could sense his strength of his beliefs. I told him this when I awaken from the coma as he held my cross necklace to me. I knew he was with me the entire time, urging me to come back to him. Deep down, I think I knew how much he loves me but he never had to reveal his love for me. We aren't like your average work couple.

A few days after my almost-resignation on the X-Files, I saw Mulder at his apartment to go over a case. We always did this every chance we got. He gazed into my blue eyes. I always got shivers down my spine when he looked at me..


I looked up to see Mulder. "What's wrong?"

"It's just...that I don't know why you stick with me all of these years," said Mulder.

"Because I happen to care deeply for you, Mulder. I can't imagine my life without you. That's why I rescinded my transfer request. I want to be with you, Mulder."

"I know, Scully. I want to be with you, too. You know that I do want very much," said Mulder. He paused for a moment. "Scully?"

"What are you thinking of?" I asked him.

"Of how much I love you," said Mulder. He held me close to him. We could feel each other's heartbeats.

I want him so much... "I feel the same way. It's just...I often wondered when our trust turned into love."

"I think I realized how much I love you, Scully, when you were taken from me. The first time."

"When I awoke from my coma, I had a feeling that you were in love with me. It's just that I didn't actually realize it. Deep down, I think I did know...but it took me a long time to realize how much you love me, Mulder."

I could feel Mulder's warm lips pressed onto mine for the most sensuous kiss that I ever had. I wish that we could have started kissing much earlier in our partnership.


I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes and I feel so secure with my love for him. I felt as though I was the luckiest woman in the world, that no one would ever try to come between us again. "Yes?"

"I wish I told you how much I love you."

"I know, Mulder."

I'm in Mulder's arms, I could feel the heat between us simmer. I had this feeling within me that we would have a future together; no matter what would happen between us. "I know I don't say this enough, Mulder, but I do love you."

"I love you, Scully," he said as he whispered those words to me in my ear. "I have always felt this way...even during our first meeting. When you knocked on the door and presented yourself to me, I remember thinking of how you were going to change my life, and you did."

"I'm glad that I did, Mulder. I have always been thankful that I was assigned to you in the first place," I told him. I watched him lean forward to kiss me again. I felt the heat of his lips pressed onto mine with gentle, tender pressure for a kiss.

I knew I would never doubt his love for me. It was a matter of love for him that made me want to stay, to be with him -- no matter what happened between us.

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Author's Notes:

This story is a sequel of "A Matter Of...Trust." A long time ago I had an idea for series of short stories depicting Mulder and Scully dealing with the events of "The Beginning." I thought Mulder's actions were a little off. However, I had other ideas for stories and real life reared onto its lovely head. I'm thinking of continuing this though.

As usual, this story has been a labor of love for me. I want to thank my beta reader, Jen, who has been very supportive of my writing.

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Erin Blair