Mulder's New Year's Resolutions ll

by Pattie

Title: Mulder's New Year's Resolutions ll Author: Pattie
Rated: PG-13. Darn 'dammit' word, and a couple of others. Category: Vignette, Mulder POV.
Spoiler: Season 3
Summary: Once again, Mulder's attempting to set goals for the New Year. Har dee har har!
Feedback: Gratefully considered at trish59@444.net Archive: Anyone who wants it, just ask. Disclaimer: I found them abandoned on a roadside just outside my house. Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Studios own the rights to them, but they need upkeep. I am doing this for no money and most certainly don't intend copyright infringement.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
WASHINGTON, DC
DECEMBER 31, 1996
12:31 PM

Mulder really thought he'd rather not embark upon such folly as he had done last year. He knew that setting lofty goals for the next year was unrealistic, and as a psychologist he knew damn well that people who make these lists tend to kick themselves in the ass when they haven't kept their resolutions. In other words, he didn't want to feel any more guilt than he was already carrying, and had been carrying for most of his life.

He sat down to his computer after once again declining a lunch invitation from Scully. She seemed to believe his meager excuse that he had to do a virus scan on the hard drive.

Once again, he opened up a window and began:

"This next year being 1997, I Fox William Mulder, do hereby resolve to accomplish the following tasks:"

"Dammit! Didn't I do this last year, and blow almost every item?" he whispered. "Okay, I'll throw caution to the wind and get this done anyhow.

  1. Clean my apartment from top to bottom, up, down, east, west, north, south, and all that, yada yada yada, like I said last year, with the incentive that some time soon I may actually choose to... invite Scully in for a beer. What the hell.
  2. Stock my refrigerator with more than just orange juice, beer and left over pizza and Chinese Food. Well, this year I had food, too. Wow! In addition, I resolve to adhere to expiry dates and the three-day refrigerated food rule, which I discovered the hard way while Scully was bringing me the autopsy results from a murder case, and needed reprints as a result.
  3. Cease and decist from leaving sunflower seed hulls in company rental cars. As old habits die hard. I will bring little litter bags, or I could throw them out onto deserted roadsides, thereby recycling them.
  4. Refrain from ditching Scully... even though my hunches are dead on and I have spared Scully from danger by doing so this past year. Who am I kidding? Well, I'll try.
  5. Continue to call Scully at night for trumped-up reasons because that's my nature, and I know she would keel over from shock if I suddenly stopped the silly ritual. Besides, I think, in some arcane sort of way, she likes it!
  6. Definitely, without a doubt, with God as my witness, never again refer to Skinner as... no, that was last year I stopped calling him 'Chrome Dome'... I resolve never again to refer to him as 'Mr. Clean's Evil Twin', when out at the bar all we FBI gents seem to frequent.
  7. Kiss Scully passionately on the lips to wish her Happy New Year tonight, since last year my face was too badly bruised to do so, and I wasn't able to walk anyhow.

8.) Duck in case she tries to slug me, as I said last year, and although I don't think she would, one just never knows.

9) Use all my training, leads, resources, and spare time to find Damantha because I need to get her back for Mom, and I can't sleep until I do. I'm going to win this one, no matter who gets in the way. Except, I'm going to see to it that my search in no way harms Scully.

10) Duck tonight. It's definitely, positively going to happen tonight. I think. I can only hope?

Signed, this 31st day of December, 1996

Fox William Mulder."

END


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