Title: Which Would You Like To Be?
Category: Post-Gender Bender vignette, Missing Scene. Summary: Mulder and Scully discuss whether they would prefer to be male or female.
Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home. Tell me where you took me. I'd like to visit!
Feedback: Please? firstname.lastname@example.org Disclaimers: Scully, Mulder, Genderbender and The X-Files are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Studios. I intend no copyright infringement and derive no money from writing fanfiction. Darn shame, I must say...
Summary: As they drive home after investigating the gender changing "Kindred", Mulder and Scully discuss which sex each would rather be -- if they had the choice.
Scully: Well, so much for 'solving' this one, Mulder. What are we going to report this one as?
Mulder: Unsolved, I guess. Unless, of course, you would rather chalk it up to gender changing aliens visiting here for the sheer quality of the clay for their pottery making, and getting a real bang out of us sexy Earth folk.
Scully: Unsolved. Definitely unsolved.
Mulder: Scully, what exactly happened when you shook Brother Andrew's hand back in that town?
Scully: I really don't remember. Why?
Mulder: (Smiling) Well, you looked like you'd just met Tom Cruise and needed a really good... And then when he tried to get you to do the wild thing at their community...
Scully: Don't say it. Don't even tell me you think I was aroused by that... that thing. (Turns away.)
Mulder: Okay. I'll change the subject. (Smirking) Still, it was kind of cute.
Scully: (Closes eyes.) Mulder, please!
Mulder: If you had the choice, which would you rather be? A male? A female?
Scully: Well, I didn't have the choice, and I am quite happy to be a female, thank you kindly. Besides, if I had the choice, I would have chosen female.
Mulder: What? You wouldn't want to experience being a male? Ever?
Scully: I don't think so. What about you, Mulder? Male or female?
Mulder: Well, I think I'd have to weigh the merits and disadvantages of each sex first. Then I'd decide.
Scully: You wouldn't survive womanhood, Mulder. Modern women are pressured to be thin, pretty, competitive AND perfect mothers. Then, well, you nearly upchucked when you saw me do that first autopsy. So, the monthly thing would be a point against being a female. Then, there's the realities women still face like equal opportunities in what is still a man's world. A boys' club still exists in the major professions.
Mulder: Okay. Try standing at a urinal and you know you can't look, can't find anything really to say, especially to strangers, and not to mention someone may look and judge... Oh, the necktie. Great torture device. 'Be a gentleman', 'Ladies first'. Having liberated women slam doors in your face when you offer to open doors for them. Women get wedding showers, baby showers. Men get stag parties but no party for creating a baby. Sometimes, they even get the blame.
Scully: (Loudly) High heels!
Mulder: Oh yeah? Cumberbunds!
Scully: Bras, pinchy shoes, sexual harassment...
Mulder: Socks that dig into your calves, unexpected erections, women chasing after us and fighting like cats...
Scully: (Laughing) Are you bragging, Mulder?
Mulder: Well, I was speaking on behalf of most men... Besides, you were generalizing, too. Very well, I might add.
Scully: When all is said and done, I prefer being a woman.
Mulder: Well, I prefer being a man, Never even occurred to me to wish to be a woman, anyway. So, why do you like being a woman, Scully?
Scully: Oh, I like unraveling the mysteries of men. I like men, Mulder.
Mulder: I find women to be a completely unfathomable bunch, but I just prefer to date them rather than men. So, what was so sexy about Brother Andrew of the Kindred?
Scully: Maybe he just seemed to understand both genders, Mulder. Unlike some of the men I keep company with...
Mulder: Have I been insulted?
Scully: Just telling it like it is, Mulder.
Mulder: Aha! He must have had powerful pheremones...
Scully: You know, if I shoot you here, there goes my career. So, just don't ever mention Brother Andrew again. Okay?
Mulder: Scully, I'm really glad you're a woman.
Scully: And why is that, Mulder?
Mulder: Because women are so reasonable, tender hearted, sane, did I mention intelligent?
Mulder: Yes, Agent Scully?
Scully: If I were you, I'd just shut up and keep driving.
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