Title: Comfort Factor
Archive: I'd be honoured, just keep my name on it. Disclaimer: Not mine, I just like to get them in the sack as often as possible. Spoilers: Sein und Zeit, Closure.
Summary: Set during Sein und Zeit. Scully draws Mulder back from the brink as he hears of his mother's death and her illness. Author's Note: At end.
"Fox, its your mother..." Those innocent words had started it all. Together, they listened to Teena Mulder's last phone call to her son. Scully choked back the tears as she told him the terrible news; his mother had been suffering from a terrible disease. She had died as she had lived. Alone.
His anger was utterly predictable. Fox Mulder was full of barely constrained aggression, simmering just beneath the surface, constantly searching for an outlet. And tonight, she had become his outlet.
It happened easily, more easily than seven years of fighting it should have allowed. But then, he did always keep her guessing. She pulled him into her arms as he sobbed on the couch, his body wracked with physical pain at the horrible news. It hurt her to watch him break down, seeming like a lost child in that moment. Together they crouched on the hard floor, clinging onto one another, each holding the other upright. His arms encircled her so tightly, afraid to let go, almost crushing her against his body as she hushed him, warm hands smoothing over his hair, whispering that she was there into his ear. They stayed like that until the room grew dark and the street lights cast eerie shadows through the half-closed blinds.
Finally, his grip relaxed slightly and Dana was almost certain that he had fallen asleep. Her knees ached from the unforgiving hardwood floor and she knew she should get him settled into a more comfortable position. She rocked him gently, coaxing him to stand, but as she moved, his grip tightened desperately around her, stifling her once again.
"Don't go." Mulder whispered, the first words spoken between them in hours. Barely audible, Scully was uncertain that he had meant to speak those words at all. She shook her head, tilting his tearstained face and pressing her lips gently to his damp cheek. She smoothed a hand over his tangled hair and drew him to his feet, her arms wrapping protectively around him. Her own sorrow caught harshly in the back of her throat, leaving her struggling for breath beneath his crippling embrace. Mulder towered over her as his arms enveloped her once again, holding her too tightly, overwhelming her with his emotion as much as his physical strength.
"Mulder!" Scully fought to keep the distress from her voice. She didn't want him to know how close she was to tears. "You're hurting me." His hold on her relaxed as he heard the sharpness in her tone. His breathing was erratic, and he squeezed his eyes tightly closed against the confusion that swirled in his mind. Anger sent bile flaming up into his throat, threatening to make him vomit as a deep loneliness knotted his gut into a useless ropey coil. He fought down the reflux for long minutes before turning his head and dry-heaving into the waste-paper basket Scully held instinctively for him. His entire body ached, his emotions manifesting themselves in a physical pain so intense that he placed a hand to his chest, just to feel his heart beat. As he gagged into the bin, he felt cool fingers against his neck, soothing his blazing skin. He couldn't bear to relinquish his hold on her, but detested having her so close as he faced the final indignity of vomiting sideways into his trashcan. Yet even as he longed to shove her away, to push her aside, discarding her attentions, he drew her closer, resting his forehead against her shoulder. Mulder felt her balance waver under his weight and he wanted to crush her completely beneath him, press her to him until she simply disappeared. He seized her hand, dragging her across the room as the urge for violence gripped him, too intense to ignore.
Scully cried out as Mulder pulled her harshly after him into the bedroom. His sudden roughness alarmed her, making her want to struggle free from his bruising grip, but the heated glance he threw over his shoulder told her not to. She followed him willingly into the dark room with her heart thudding beneath her ribs, wincing slightly at the unnecessary pressure of his fingertips digging into the soft flesh of her forearm.
He half dragged, half led her towards the unmade bed. With a final tug, he pulled her close, stepping to meet her, chest to chest, his movement elegant compared to his previous brutality, almost a dance step. Chest to chest, Scully had to crane her neck back to see his face. Even in the dark, she could see his distress. She reached up with her free hand to press the cool palm against his cheek. As she watched, his features crumpled inwards at her tender touch and tears glistened in his eyes once again. Heat radiated from his solid body, pressed so tightly to her that Scully could feel the sobs he tried to suppress, reverberating from within his stomach. He crushed her to him and she willingly turned her face into his chest, whispering soothing words against his damp t-shirt.
The tears came unbidden and he was powerless to stop them. They took control of him inexplicably, filling him until he felt that his very body would split open with the pressure. Mulder fleetingly worried that they would both drown in the deluge. The rage that had burned so brightly in him just minutes before had faded as his partner acquiesced to his brutishness, dimming to a low, simmering heat, curbed by the tears. The knife drove deeper into his gut, allowing his emotions to bleed into one another, leaving him unsure of where anger began and sorrow finished. His lungs hurt and he was dizzy with lack of oxygen. Mulder knew he was hyperventilating, but could do nothing to prevent it. He struggled to get his breathing under control and gradually, the tears ceased.
Scully remained pressed to his heaving chest for long minutes. She longed to give him some sort of comfort, feeling wretched and helpless as she remained passively in his binding embrace. They were both damp and sweating in the stifling apartment and Scully was acutely aware that Mulder's body had responded to her proximity, somewhere along the way. She was uncomfortable, knowing that Mulder would be mortified once he realized how his body had betrayed him. Scully felt him let out a juddering sigh before bringing his hand up to thread into her hair. Her scalp prickled under his touch, long fingers tangling through her already mussed hair and tugging her head backwards. She gasped, forced to look up into his face. His name was on her lips as his mouth came down to cover hers.
Desire had snuck up on him, seeping along the side of the knife-blade in his gut, a stowaway, a barnacle on the hull of his anger. Together the two emotions sailed on a sea of sorrow and shame and loneliness. He tried to push the desire back to where it came from; a well practiced maneuver; but the knife-wound allowed it to percolate back through his weakened defenses. Mulder found his body responding to his partner's warmth, hardening uncontrollably, but he could not bring himself to release his grip on her. He wondered whether she could feel his wound, sputtering his messy feelings out like hot blood onto their clothes as he squeezed her closer. Deep breaths did nothing to calm the wildness he felt surging through his veins, a madness born of his sudden desperation. Unable to stop himself, he kissed her roughly, his tongue pushing into her mouth as she gasped his name.
His sudden attack left her struggling to catch her breath whilst his lips moved south. Though shocked, she made no move to stop him, her fingers searching for a handhold in the short hair at the back of his head. Mulder sucked viciously at the pulse in her throat, her heart pounding and sending her blood racing through widened blood vessels as roving hands tore at her clothes. His touch was searing and she was incapable of quieting the moan that bubbled up in her throat as his hips ground into her, leaving her as aroused as Mulder.
Mulder backed her towards the bed, his lips never leaving her skin until he shoved her roughly down. She fell with a grunt, the air rushing out of her lungs as she landed on the mattress. Mulder didn't give her time to catch her breath before covering her body with his own. Fear clawed at her throat as she battled to breathe beneath his hulking form, already thrusting down against her. Still fully clothed, he had to stand to undress. Scully sighed gratefully as he stood to peel away his jeans, her panic dying down as quickly as it had risen.
When he returned to her, just seconds later, he was calmer. He was suddenly a lost little boy, desperate for contact, pulling her into his arms and hugging her possessively to him. He was muttering words down into her hair, making it impossible for her to hear him. Scully tilted her face upwards, bringing them cheek to cheek, finally able to hear his words. "I need you." Scully feeling his jaw tense against her cheek as he rocked them back and forth. She realized then, that as Teena Mulder had taken her last breath, she had abandoned her son. He had no one else.
Mulder couldn't help but clench his teeth in an effort to keep control of his emotions. He was motion sick from the see-sawing action of his mood, suddenly plunging from the high of his rushing hormones to the low that had him wrapped in his partner's protective embrace once again. He needed her close, needed to be certain of her love. He had never been certain of his mother's love. He shuddered in Scully's arms, longing for her to be the one thing in his life he could be sure of.
She wasn't sure how her lips had found his face, but Scully was suddenly raining kisses upon his eyelids, kissing away the tracks of his tears. A sigh escaped his mouth, his breath whispering past her ear, before Mulder's hands swept her hair back away from her face. He was still for a second, looking into her eyes, his own still swirling almost black with agony, silently pleading with her to love him. Her stomach lurched at the need she saw in his face and she pressed yet more hot little kisses against his forehead. Mulder sighed, the pressure in his chest easing marginally at her sweet gesture. Scully watched his pupils dilate with desire, visible even in the dark room and she knew he saw the same in her own eyes. She reached out to cradle his face between shaking hands and pulled him to her. Mulder met her half-way with hot, wet lips, still salty with the last of his tears.
Scully shivered beneath his roving hands, his tongue plunging desperately past her parted lips as passion took control of his body. The see-saw was sending him skyward again. Talented fingers unsnapped her bra and Mulder peeled away the stiff lace, making Scully moan into his mouth, and drawing a mimic from Mulder as her bare breasts pressed against his chest, rosy nipples rising into tight peaks at the contact. His hips were thrusting unconsciously against her once again and Scully found her heart racing as she stared down at Mulder. He was tanned and muscular and utterly beautiful in the dim light filtering in from the street through slatted blinds, reminding her of the desires she had refused to acknowledge for so long. She wanted him so badly, but she couldn't help but be furious at herself for being so turned on by his vulnerability. In the moment Scully fought momentarily with her conscience, Mulder's stomach lurched painfully, the knife-wound opening up again, the see-saw threatening to dip. His pain began to seep through once again, clouding his vision and making her image blur before him. Then he felt her hair brush his cheek, a prelude to her kiss, and the wound sucked closed, trapping the misery deep inside his body, crushing it down and sealing it in. His lips sought hers and her heat enveloped him.
Her body moved of its own accordance to straddle his outstretched legs, his hands finding her waist as his lips sought hers. Dana suddenly knew that they had been fighting the tide for too long. The tension between them had always burned just beneath the surface, dormant, waiting for a catalyst. His mother's death had been the occurrence that had triggered the reaction. This reaction. Now Dana was content to let him take what he needed. And take he did.
His lips left hers only to move south, tracking a wet trail upon her skin, finally latching onto one erect nipple. She groaned loudly, which only served to encourage his motions as he cupped one breast, pinching its tip, his mouth working on the other. Her hand was in his hair, encouraging, reassuring, urging him on with his assault. His twitching hips bucked beneath her, sending her sliding forwards against the satin of his boxer shorts. They both moaned as she ground her hips down into him, warning him to be still. Her breast slid from his mouth with a wet pop. He reached forward and latched onto her nipple once again, struggling to remove his shorts without letting go. Scully found herself reaching around to tug them from his body, suppressing the sound that rose in her throat as he pushed upwards and into her warm palm. With the shorts gone, she felt him bob upwards and come to rest against her buttocks, a thrilled tingle beginning to salsa up her spine.
As he stilled beneath her, too afraid to move, Scully looked down at him. He was such a contradiction: his body was so beautiful, his presence so huge and imposing, yet his soul was so irrevocably tortured, damaged and marred. She leant forward to kiss his eyes as they flickered closed, praying to God that she could make him forget his pain, if only for a while. Her lips silently begged him to let her love him as they kissed away the tears that had ceased with his closing eyes. He returned the prayer, his mouth forming the soundless words `love me love me love me'.
If not for the sigh that escaped his lips, Scully would have believed that he had fallen asleep. Finally, she raised herself up slightly, feeling his erection just behind her. She gripped him and Mulder groaned loudly, his moan trailing off as his lips formed her name. He couldn't help but raise his hands to grip her hips tightly, his eyes opening to watch her as she reached around and stroked him, a slight smile set on her lips.
Mulder was moaning steadily, battling against the pleasure she was able to elicit from him, knowing he should be immersed in misery, wondering how she had chased it away so effortlessly. He longed to forget it all, to drown himself in her and let his memories fly from him mind. He wished for her to obliterate his awareness, to fill it with her presence and the incredible things she was doing to his body. He needed to touch her, needed to be inside her, needed to submerge himself in her, body and soul and lose himself completely.
Scully could see his thoughts, etched so clearly upon his face as his hands held her tightly enough to bruise her delicate skin. She let him hurt her, wanting him to break her if it meant saving him. She would let him do that to her tonight. Only tonight, she told herself, knowing really that she would always forget herself for him. Fleetingly, she wondered when exactly Mulder had insinuated himself so deeply into her soul.
She raised herself up again, hearing his groan of disappointment as her agile doctors hands left his heated flesh. She quickly positioned herself, knowing only that he needed this. Scully reached around and gripped him, guiding him against her, shivering slightly as Mulder shifted his hips beneath her. He was desperate to be inside her, restlessly twitching. She leant forward, relaxing, widening herself as she lowered down to meet him more fully, feeling him against her, burningly hot against her already heated flesh. She took him in, bit by bit, surprised by how ready she was. She felt herself expanding, the sting slight, more a burning ache, nowhere near so intense as she had expected. Dana concentrated on relaxing her muscles, feeling them clench as the sensation overwhelmed her. She lifted up slightly, taking a little more of him in with her as she relaxed and repositioned. Finally, she had all of him inside her. She released a breath she hadn't realized she has holding, her hands on his chest, feeling it rise and fall as she sat against him, her groin flush with his. His body filled her so perfectly and so completely, she was certain their bodies had been designed as jigsaw pieces. Dana sighed, her eyes closing as she realized how she had fooled herself. This wasn't all for Mulder. She needed it every bit as badly as he did. He flexed his hips beneath her, hands moving to cup her breasts, reminding her of the task at hand.
Dana rose on up and away from him, using the strength of both her knees and her hands braced against his chest to lift herself. She made slow and gentle love to his body, relishing in the smile on his face and the rapid rise and fall of his chest beneath her hands. He was sweating with the effort of holding back, thrusting his hips up to meet her strokes, wanting for her to come before he would allow himself to. Dana leant in to tenderly caress his cheek as she rose and fell against him, her breath hitching with each powerful upthrust of his hips. She wiped away the last of his tears, managing to kiss his face, pressing her body into him and giving her aching thighs a rest by rocking gently back and forth. Mulder was moaning deep in his throat and his eyes were squeezed tightly closed against the tide that was threatening to break over him, if only he would let it. (don't blow over the details. what do they look like? does he bite his lip in concentration? breathing? does she close her eyes in bliss?
"Come on baby, let it go." She soothed him, her palm to his cheek as her body tightened around him, urging him on, reassuring. "Come for me...baby come on." Her voice tapped into his senses, his brain registering her use of the endearment. His eyes opened to see her looking down at him, with such love reflected in her face that Mulder felt the last trace of control leave him. He held her tightly to him for a second before rolling them sideways, landing with her spread breathless beneath him. Dana gasped out her surprise, her eyes widening as Mulder repositioned slightly, going still deeper within her as he reached around and drew her knees up and spread her legs further to accommodate his wide hips.
Mulder drew back slowly, his eyes sliding closed as he almost left the refuge of her body, before snapping his hips forwards and down into the cradle of her pelvis, sliding her slightly upwards on the mattress. He retreated and slammed back in again and again, making her breath come in short hiccups. Scully cried out loudly at the sensation, unsure of whether it was pleasure or pain that she was experiencing each time he bottomed out against her cervix. The orgasm that began its ascent from deep inside her body left her quite sure it was pleasure. Mulder was still pounding relentlessly into her body as she tightened around him. She drew her legs up around his hips in an effort to drive him deeper. She needed to release the pressure that was threatening to split her apart at any second. She knew Mulder was just as close from the expression on his face. His head was thrown as far back as their position would allow and he was grinding down against her at the peak of every thrust, as though he could meld their bodies together. The friction of his hard body against her sensitive nerve endings brought tears to her eyes, longing for release as she hovered so close to the edge.
Finally, the white light that had been building behind her eyes broke free and erupted over her, enveloping their writhing, gripping, sweating bodies. Scully cried out his name in a garbled declaration of love as he continued to drive into her, sure that he would break her with his force. The waves of her orgasm spread over her entire body, more intense than ever before, making her cry out continuously, scratching him, clawing at his flesh in an effort to draw the same pleasure out of his body. Scully sobbed out her pleas again and again until finally she could feel him, his whole body clenching before it all poured out. He was coming, hard, hot and fast inside her, pushing her yet higher, burning her inside and filling her. Mulder's shouts joined her own, mingling their incoherence as they climaxed, wondering through the midst of it all whether it would ever end.
Eventually, they collapsed together, spent, exhausted and yet elated. Mulder rolled sideways, dragging her with him, not wanting to lose her contact for even a second. He wrapped their still-heaving bodies in the sheet, pulling her into his embrace and raining kisses down onto her face, finally feeling truly alive for the first time since Scully had broken the terrible news to him earlier that evening. He pressed his lips against her sticky shoulder and mouthed his thanks into her skin.
Her body ached as Mulder hugged her tight, clinging to her like a childhood teddy-bear. She struggled to steady her uneven breath, inhaling the scent of their combined sweat and the musk of sex. Somehow, Scully reached up an arm and smoothed back a lock of damp hair from his forehead. He smiled and returned the gesture, hooking the lock of hair behind her ear. He kissed her gently on the mouth.
"I love you, you know that, don't you?" The words had no sound, they simply took shape against her collarbone. She felt the whisper of words forming, but could not make out what they were. She stroked his hair, wishing he would tell her what he was too frightened to say out loud. She signed, afraid to press him.
Mulder pressed a final kiss to her temple, pulling the blanket up and over them. He lay, watching her as her eyes slipped closed, needing her to love him, needing to hear it. Her breathing slowed as she slipped quickly to sleep. He watched her a minute longer, sure she was asleep before turning over and sitting on the side of the bed. He was cold in the dark room, naked and shivering as his sweat dried. He was going to go back to the couch, but as he stood, he couldn't help but turn to watch the sleeping beauty sprawled across his bed. Scully stirred, her hair whispering across the pillow in a titian wave, her ruby lips pouting and muttering. She reached for him in the big bed, her had patting the mattress in her unconscious search. Tears filled his eyes as he gave her what she wanted, leaning forward to take her hand. She drew it towards her, curling his fingers in towards her chest. She muttered again and Mulder found himself giving in. He slipped back into the bed, turning his back on her, feeling his heart break just by looking at her. He lay beside her, thankful that the agonizing shock of his mother's death had dulled to an ache, a roar in his ears, a chill in his bones. He would get used to it in time. He glanced over his shoulder one last time. He wasn't sure how to feel about her. Just as he thought he had her figured out the arbitrary little thing metamorphosed before his very eyes. He wondered how things would be tomorrow and the see-saw dipped.
Cool fingers stroked at his spine as Mulder finally closed his eyes, begging for sleep to take him, just for a little while.
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