Bermuda Triangle Onions Attack!

by Christine Leigh

Title: Bermuda Triangle Onions Attack!
Author: Christine Leigh
Web site:

Rating: G
Category: V
Spoilers: None.

Summary: A conversation in a car. All dialogue.

Archiving: If you would like to archive anywhere, I'd appreciate a quick note first.

Disclaimer: All characters are the products of Chris Carter. They also belong to Ten-Thirteen Productions and the Fox Network. No copyright infringement intended.

Bermuda Triangle Onions Attack!
By Christine Leigh

"Mulder, are you hungry?"

"No, not really. But we can stop soon, if you are. It'll probably be one, at least, by the time we get back."

"I think I could go for a quick sandwich or salad."

"Okay. I saw a sign for The Attic a mile or so back."

"Sounds like a second-hand clothing store."

"Well, there was a tomato, and I think an onion on the sign, among the other items. The new fall line, perhaps? Wear your vegetables?"

"That depends, Mulder. What color was the onion? White, yellow, brown?"

"Purple. It was purple. Maybe it was an eggplant."

"Oh, Bermuda."

"Beg your pardon?"

"It must have been a Bermuda onion. They're purple. No, given the choice, I'd rather eat one than wear one - Thanks."

"Scully, have you ever seen 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?'"

"No, Mulder, I haven't."

"Great flick."

"I have, however, seen its sequel, 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes.'"

"Why? It wasn't nearly as good. And why? That is, if you didn't see the first one?"

"George Clooney. It was on - it was late - he was there, so I kept watching. He was so young, but still awfully cute. Why do you ask, Mulder?"

"No reason in particular. We're driving down this road with nothing much around, and then there was the sign with the vegetables on it. It just came into my mind. They should make one about onions. Not Bermuda, though."

"Okay, I'll bite. Why - "

"Scully, you're a regular Carol Burnett."

"Why not Bermuda, Mulder?"

"People would see the word in the title and confuse it with the Bermuda Triangle and all the cheesy movies made about that. Unless, of course, they decided to make it about both."

"Bermuda onions attacking people in the Bermuda Triangle. Before or after they disappear?"

"The people or the onions?"

"The people."

"The reverse could work, I suppose, if the onions were imbued with personality. That might be getting a little esoteric, though."

"Yeah, that could be a problem."

"And definitely before. Leaves room for a sequel."

"Mulder, congratulations."


"Topping yourself."

"Excuse me?"

"For sharing with me your aspirations to produce an Oscar winner."

"Be nice, Scully. Maybe I'll toss George a bone. He could do worse."

"Mulder, don't take this the wrong way, but I think he'd rather do 'The Sunshine Boys' in drag."

"Would that involve leather? Could work."

"Mulder, if a McDonald's turns up first, I'm willing to forgo The Attic."

"Sorry Scully, did I sap your sense of adventure?"

"No, I'm just getting really hungry. And starting to envision vegetables attacking us out here in the middle of nowhere. Mulder, that's it!"

"What's it?"

"'Bermuda Triangle Onions Attack!'"

"Very good, Scully, I like it."

"Mulder, do I get a credit on this?"

"I'd be honored to share my statue with you."

"We'd each get our own, wouldn't we?"

"I don't know."

"Well, if there's only one, we'll alternate months."

"Sounds good."

"Or something."

"Sounds even better."


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