All I Need Right Now

by Pattie

Title: The Beginning: All I Need Right Now

Author: Pattie

Rated: PG because aliens inside humans are icky.

Category: Missing Scene for AftertheFact.

Spoilers: THe X-Files Movie: Fight the Future, The Beginning.

Summary: Scully considers the gestation of aliens in humans, and how God could let it happen.

Archive: AftertheFact, Gossamer, any other place is fine, as long as you ask me first.

Feedback: Always warmly welcomed, constructive criticism or niceties at: trish59@444.net

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, and the whole cast are owned by Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Television. No money changes hands to ME, anyway, and I do not intend to break any copyright laws.

"I saw what that virus did. I saw it generate a new being... An alien being inside a human body."

Mulder told me that just after we left the OPR meeting. He keeps telling me he saw this thing coming out of my body as he grabbed hold of the umbilical cord. Just the thought of anything that invasive having to be removed orally sets me gagging, feeling as if I've swallowed something so slippery and slimy it's unbearable to think about it. So, I write about it in this Journal and feel just as sick.

Yes, as I think of Gibson, his "junk D.N.A.", the "junk D.N.A." that we all seem to possess, I wonder why his abilities to sense the "creatures", is active. I wonder what could possibly have occurred during conception, gestation, even birth to give him this gift? Is it a gift? Or is it a curse?

A young boy resorts to playing chess because it's a way of tuning out the thoughts of others. I still can't believe I can say this. Yet, the tests have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that this boy has incredible abilities of some sort. The cards, the things the panel had for breakfast. Gibson Praise tracked this... this thing to a nuclear power plant.

He can't be alive now. Could this "creature" kill one who possesses similar genetic traits? Could Gibson defend himself against this vile thing, with the claws? The claw I saw Mulder pick up at that house was incredibly atrong and capable of tearing a man's gut open in order to be "born".

If, by any stretch of the imagination, I had been host to one of these supposed extraterrestrials, how do I reconcile myself to a belief that the God who created us also created them?

I've had this inner war for years: hard science versus the teachings of the Church. Evolution versus Creation. Well, if God did create them, is there any way he can help me understand why I can't recall anything after I was stung in the hallway at Mulder's apartment right through to the time I woke up in that icy continent hacking and gagging? Mulder says I was hacking and gagging after he plucked that thing out through my nouth.

If I can't remember, then I will wonder for a long time. If I am unwilling to remember, perhaps some day I will welcome the opportunity to recall. Yet I feel I may not be ready for that until I know and understand how and why my ever loving God could create such evil men to use innocent people as hosts for the deadly aliens Mulder has tried to make me see, if only in my mind's eye.

As long as I have nothing I can hold in a flask, a petrie dish or my hand, there are no X-Files. All that we have left is our partnership and our friendship. That's all I need right now. I don't need to know how it felt to have been invaded. As long as I can't remember my first abduction, I feel I just can't let myself remember the last one.

Is it that I cannot remember? Or is it that I do not want to remember?

All I really need right now is my friend, my partner, my work. Perhaps it's this Journal that helps me to stay in the here and now.

END


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