Title: It's a Miracle
Summary: Scully panics after Padgett says she is already in love, right to Mulder.
Category: Missing Scene, Post-Ep., Scully POV.
Archive: Gossamer, any other nice home. Please ask first.
Feedback: Warmly received, whether praise or suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimers: CC, 1013 Productions and Fox Studios own the rights. I make no money and intend no copyright infringement from writing fanfiction.
DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
HOURS AFTER PHILLIP PADGETT'S RELEASE
I don't ever want a soul to see this, so I turn to my most private Journal. The field Journal would not be the most appropriate place to deposit these thoughts of mine.
Lately, Mulder and I have been so over-whelmed with work that I haven't had occasion to jot down my private little dilemmas, but this case has hit home.
Until now, I thought only God could read my heart. This man, Phillip Padfett, as suspect in several unimaginable murders, (talk about tearing the heart out of star-crossed lovers!), has seen what I have tried so to keep to myself for so long.
Why am I so embarrassed that he could hurt me with these few words: Agent Scully is already in love? Well, the man I am already in love with was standing right there with me as it was said. And I feltso naked, so embarrassed.
Of all times for the man to hear that I am in love. I doubt whether Mulder knows Padgett was referring to him, and I fear the questons that are likely going through Mulder's mind right now. We are so honest with each other, know each other's reactions before they occur and know each other's pain when we have trouble dealing with all that we've seen and endured at work in the X-Files.
To have him know now, without the courage to tell him myself, would be letting him see that I am afraid, vulnerable, not a strong person. He could see me as not brave enough to reveal something he may or may not want to hear.
I have my life. He has his. I meet his sexual innuendos with selective deafness. He has his videos, his monsters to chase, and his innermostdemons to confront.
Yet, it is a miracle that through all this pain, danger, suffering and derision we have suffered at the Bureau, I have found someone who warms me to the very centre of my being, not just to the easily aroused parts.
Yes, I want him to know. But not at this time. I AM SCARED. I need to be the one who scrapes up the courage to utter any words, show any signs of my true feelings.
There's the phone. Probably him with a lead.
"When you move in right up close to me..."
That's that song, "Shakin' All Over".
"Who... who is this?"
"Oh, it's me, Scully. There's been a new development. Better get down here."
He knows. Does he know that my face is candy apple red right now? That I am sweating? That my heart is beating a mile a minute?"
"I'll be right there. Just writing a note in my Journal. See you in ten minutes."
Now why do I feel so shaky and relieved at the same time?
Until next time, Journal. Have to go save someone else from having their heart torn out.
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