Waking Up

by stellar dust

TITLE: Waking Up
AUTHOR: stellar_dust
EMAIL: daesharacor@yahoo.com , or kcatlin@space.edu .

livejournal: stellar_dust
SPOILERS: all things, mid-ep
RATING: PG .. I think ..
SUMMARY: MSR. My attempt at moving Scully from couch to bed. ARCHIVE: Sure, anywhere.
DISCLAIMER: It's all Chris Carter's. Not mine. Please don't

hurt me.

Scully woke with a start, palms sweaty, heart beating. Her leg spasmed, knocking a teacup from the coffee table - and she sank back, relieved, onto Mulder's couch, clasping his blanket more tightly around her.

As she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, banishing the momentary panic, she thought back to the previous evening, and the strangest weekend of her life. To see Daniel again, after so many years - it just seemed fitting, somehow, to be spending Sunday night camped out on Mulder's couch. Scully smiled, stretching her legs out along the sofa cushions; countless times she'd come through that door, to find Mulder fast asleep, right here.

Scully sighed and rolled over, sinking deeper into the couch, trying to find sleep once again, but thinking of Daniel now, how tempestuous and desperate their affair had been, and how wrenching and painful her decision to break it off and come to Washington. Looking back on that time now, such emotions seemed incomprehensible; the man in that hospital bed was dear to her, surely, but so different, so closed, so strange. Or rather it was herself who had changed; she'd seen and learned so much since leaving him that to go with him now would be to deny everything, to suppress all that she knew to be true about herself and her world. Holding his hand today she had felt the beginnings of that, the slide that could spiral her away into oblivion and blessed ignorance, and that scared her. Frightened her more deeply and truly than any X-File ever could.

She opened her eyes to find herself looking at the room's single source of light, the fish tank, one of the mollies gazing at her through the glass, opening and closing its mouth in a kiss-face, bloop, bloop, bloop. One of Mulder's mollies.


Everything happens for a reason. And sometimes nothing does.

Scully sat up, pulling her legs to her chest, and stared out the window for a long, long time.

Scully stood in the doorway to Mulder's bedroom, her hand on the doorframe, more at peace now, but still thinking, contemplating the shape of his body beneath the sheets. The diffuse city lights shone through the window, giving the room the spectral quality of deep night, glinting through Mulder's dark mussed hair and highlighting the angles of his face. *This really is a beautiful man*, she thought, smiling, in body and in mind. Why had it taken her conscious mind so long to accept that?

"Scully?" Mulder coughed suddenly, sitting up, squinting at her.

"You awake?" she asked, moving further into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked up at his face, found him gazing back. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"No, I - I couldn't sleep." He laughed sheepishly, glancing down, toying with the sheets. "I kept thinking about you. How much you've been through, because of me." Serious now, looking back up, once more into Scully's eyes.

Mulder broke the gaze first, scooting back, leaning against the headboard. "It's late. Are you heading home?"

"Oh, Mulder. No. No, not yet." Scully turned around, sitting cross-legged, facing him, taking his hand. She noted how strong and safe it felt, and how very, very different from Daniel's. "I woke up about an hour ago, and I've been thinking. About a lot of things ... I wanted to come and find you, but you looked so peaceful." She searched his face. He looked curious, wondering - hopeful?

"Mulder, I - I've finally faced down some demons that have haunted me since before we met. I've been able to realize some things, and I need for you to know them. You've been here for me for so long, and you've shown me so much - and the times I've nearly lost you have been the worst days of my life." Scully took a deep breath, looking down at his hand in her lap. "Without you, my life would be - would be infinitely poorer and self-delusional. And if I ever lost you for good, I don't know how I could go on." Her voice broke, and she looked back up into his eyes. "I need for you to know that, Mulder. I need for you to know how important you are to me, that you're more than just my, my constant - you're my everything. There is no place that I would rather be than right here, with you."

"Oh, Scully ... Dana. I know." There was a twinkle back in those familiar deep hazel eyes, a twinkle that had been missing lately, as he pulled her next to him and helped her under the covers. "I've lost so much recently - my entire family, everyone and everything I've cared about. All I have left is my work - and you." Mulder pulled Scully close, talking into her hair. "And if nothing was left but the work, I think I'd let it go. Quit the FBI, give up the fight. This planet isn't worth keeping, if not for you - and I don't want to learn the truth, about anything, if I can't share it with you, in the end. And I mean that, Scully."

Scully was comfortable, and starting to drowse again now that she knew where she belonged. "Okay, Mulder, I lied," she murmured, eyes half closed. "I'd rather be here than sitting over there."

He laughed out loud, squeezing her tight. "Oh, God, Scully." He shifted around, to look at her face again. "Scully, I told you once before that - that I love you. But I don't think you believed me." He smiled an impish grin, reaching out to caress her forehead.

"I believed you, Mulder." She took his hand and held it, interlacing their fingers. "I just - I wasn't ready to accept it, then. Besides, you were delusional." She contemplated for a moment, then slowly kissed his knuckles.

"Can you accept it now?" he asked softly.

"Yes, I - I can. I do," Scully said wonderingly. She looked quickly up at him. "That is, if you do."

Their second kiss ever was long, and passionate, and tender, and lasted until the city began to stir into wakefulness around them.

Mulder was late for work.


Notes: This is my first attempt at fanfic, so I'd greatly appreciate any comments you may have! I felt, somehow, that it was slightly out-of-character for Scully to run right off and shag her best friend after finally breaking things off with an ex .. so I worked it out for myself. This has the potential to be rewritten later as an R fic, perhaps, but I rather like the ending as it stands. (:

Oh - and please let me know if I've mis-rated this. Kind of hard to tell - it's not tame, exactly, but not explicit either.

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to stellar dust