TITLE: Maybe Another Chance
AUTHOR: Jenna (email@example.com)
FEEDBACK: Worshipped, adored and cuddled! SPOILERS: Trevor
CATEGORY: Angst; Mulder POV
DISCLAIMER: Fox/Carter/1013...lucky bums. ARCHIVE: After-The-Fact, MiJ, Ephemeral and Gossamer. Anywhere...please let me know first.
SUMMARY: Another's lost chance brings painful memories to the surface for Mulder.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Written for the Trevor post-ep challenge at After-The-Fact.
"What did he want?"
"Maybe another chance."
Those words reverberate through my brain, and haunt my every thought. Their meaning so clear, yet hidden behind my life of guilt of losing Samantha. I so badly want and need to hear those words now.
I know I failed miserably in my responsibilities as an older sibling, and that I am not worthy of the forgiveness I often seek. Of course, Scully disagrees with me constantly on this fact. I know Samantha would have too, if I could have found her by now.
My mother loves me, but I feel she only tolerates me because I am now her only child. We rarely communicate with one another, and I feel saddened because of this. I often wonder if things might not have been different if Samantha hadn't been taken from our home that night.
My father, the one person who could have given me so much in those three words, chose to keep quiet. How much different would he have been if Samantha had been in our lives? Could he have given me the love I thought I deserved? I can still hear him mutter in one his common alcoholic stupors, "What do you want, boy? It's all your damn fault she's gone. You realize that, boy? Listen to me when I'm talking to you!"
As I sit in my office chair with my head held low, the tears flow freely down my cheeks. I hear the creaking of the office door, I quickly wipe away the tear stains on my face knowing that Scully will be worried if she sees me crying again.
I answer his question in my head, wondering if he can hear me wherever he is and if it really even matters now. "Maybe another chance. Maybe that's all I wanted."
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