by Ashley Williams

Title: Ditched

Author: Ashley Williams

Summary: A ditched Scully equals a stranded Scully equals a pissed Scully.

Spoilers: Anything is fair game.

Classification: humor
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and the whole XFiles crew belong to Chris Carter, 1013
Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. No money is being made off of these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: PG-13, for a bad word or two

Feedback: is wonderiffic! Send to: xorangexnightx@msn.com

Distribution: Gossamer and Ephemeral are cool. Anybody else, please contact me first.

Author's Notes: I don't live in D.C., and I've never lived in D.C., so I have no idea of street names or bus lines or anything. But that shouldn't matter, because fan fiction is such a great thing.

This was the final straw.

When she saw Mulder again, she was
definitely unleashing some full-fledged black belt action on him.

Not only had he ditched her, but he left her walking the streets of one D.C.'s seedier regions. The time Mulder had left her
staking out the strip club had been pushing it, but this. This... this called for a serious ass-kicking, delivered with love from Scully to Mulder.

It was getting dark, but luckily for Scully, it was late summer and still fairly warm outside. If it had been cold, that would have added to her pile of current
annoyances. Fortunately, she still had her badge and gun. And those black belt skills.

Naturally, each time Scully tried to call Mulder's cell phone, it was either a) off, b) not in its service area, or c) he simply chose not to answer it. Knowing him, it was probably the most latter; Scullywrath was not something he dealt with everyday, and at this point, he was definitely in no position deal with it now.

It's going to be all right, Dana, Scully said to herself. It wasn't like she hadn't braved Flukemen or liver-eating men or anything of the sort. She was only walking down a darkening Federal Street. All the stores were beginning to close... and people who she thought should have been classified as X-Files were beginning to come out...

But as soon as she witnessed a twentysomething
-year-old guy stop his convertible,
make a catcall to Scully, and begin driving again, she knew then and there that Mulder's life was about to become a living hell.

And if she had to catch a bus (or two) back home to Georgetown, so help him God.

At that moment, Scully saw bus number 39 head toward her. She then power walked to the bus stop only a few feet ahead of her. The bus stopped in front of her, first letting more... odd-looking people off, and then Scully walked the three steps onto the bus.

She reached into her pocket, hoping to pull out some change. Instead, she pulled out two twenty-dollar bills. It was then when the sign "This line is an exact fare only line" caught her eye.

Mulder was going to die.

Fortunately, the bus operator took pity on Scully, and let her ride for free. The driver took one glance at her and decided that she was too posh-looking for the bus and had no idea what she was doing.
Especially in this part of D.C.

Scully, resisting the urge to blush, took her seat toward the back of the bus. She mentally navigated where she could pick up her next bus, and more importantly, make change so that she actually could ride.

After several minutes of bouncing up and down while riding on pothole filled streets, Scully decided that she would get off at Third and Phyllis, go to the supermarket at that corner to get change for her twenty, and then get back on the 27, which would take her three blocks from her apartment.

Yes, that sounded like a plan.

While riding, she called her partner's cell phone again, but to no avail. While Mulder was usually unaware that he was being a jackass, Scully simply knew that he was being deliberate. How dare he! First, he left her damn near stranded on the city's infamous Federal Street. Second, she was forced to take public transportation home, which consisted of not one, but two buses. Third...

Scully turned her head to look out of the window and saw the street signs for the corner of Third and Phyllis. She had just missed her stop. However, she still pressed the button signaling that she wished to be let off at the next bus stop.

That stop was a half-mile away.

Mulder was going to die.

She still got off the bus, half a mile away from her intended stop, thanking the
gracious bus driver all the while. Left with nothing else to do, Scully walked back to the corner of Third and Phyllis, which didn't take long. It was just that she decided to wear her new three-inch pumps that day, the ones she hadn't broken in yet. Damn, her feet hurt like hell.

Scully entered the tiny Save-A-Lot, and asked the nearest cashier for a ten, a five, three ones, and two dollars worth of change in exchange for a twenty-dollar bill. She thanked the cashier, and walked back outside and across the street to the bus stop. She sat down at the bench, sighing in relief when she saw the 27 coming her way. It was still several blocks down the street, but she could see it anyway.

Her sigh of relief very quickly turned into a groan when she heard the growl of thunder overhead. As if on cue, the heavens opened, and released buckets of water upon Scully and her surrounding area.

Mulder was going to die.

To say that Scully was drenched would have been the understatement of all time. To say that she was soaked to the skin or a walking bucket of water would have been a bit
closer, but nowhere near describing the way water poured off of her skin and her hair. Scully sighed in defeat when she realized that the rain had ruined her current outfit.

She was in front of her apartment, but instead of going in, she entered her car and started the engine. Scully began to drive; she only knew that she was in dire need of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a pint of Concession Obsession. This had, no doubt, been a horrible evening, and Scully felt that she deserved to indulge for once.

Scully was on autopilot. Her driving had taken her to Shop Rite. The torrential rains had begun to subside as Scully pulled into a space next to a rather familiar-looking sedan. Upon exiting her car and examining the other closely, including glancing at the license plate, she came to the conclusion that it was Mulder's car.

The bastard was doing his grocery shopping.

Scully reached back into her car, and opened up her glove compartment. She pulled out a letter opener, one she thought she lost several months ago. However, Scully had no idea how it had gotten into her glove
compartment, of all places.

Despite those questions, this nice little tool would work in her favor now.

Scully looked around, making sure nobody would witness what she was about to do. Ha, she laughed to herself. What can they do? I am the fucking police!

She crouched down between the two cars, and with a strength she did not know existed, Scully jabbed the letter opener into
Mulder's back passenger tire and pulled it back out. She began to laugh maniacally as she saw the tire rapidly flatten. She
repeated this action to the rest of his tires.

Feeling slightly better, Scully took her letter opener and inserted it back into her glove compartment. She started her engine, pulled out of her parking space, and headed to Pathmark.

Pathmark was only minutes away. She entered the store, grabbed a basket, and headed straight for the frozen foods section. As she opened the freezer door to the ice cream section, her cell phone began to ring. She closed the door and set her basket down, and took her phone out of her pocket. As she expected, the caller ID on her phone read "Mulder."

However, she politely ignored her phone, allowing it to ring its incessant and shrill noise. Although Scully felt her spirits lift a little more, the repeated ringing of her phone led to the dissatisfaction of the other shoppers in her aisle.

Not before grabbing a copy of Homes and Living Limited, Scully headed into the express checkout lane, and paid for her items. Finally, things were beginning to look up. She would go home, set her magazine on the table, put her ice cream in the freezer, and take a nice, long, hot, bubble bath.

Nothing was going to stop her from taking her bubble bath. Not the continued ringing of her cell phone, not the sudden downpour that had started again, not even the
inevitable guilt that she had left Mulder stranded in a supermarket parking lot.

She was going to take that damn bubble bath.

Scully had arrived home yet again, but this time sheltered by her government-issue sedan. She grabbed her bag and hastily headed to her apartment, not wanting to get any more drenched that what she already was.

In her haste, she failed to notice the lights that were already on in her

She reached her apartment door, and before she could fumble with her groceries and fish her key out of her pocket, the door opened in front of her.


Scully looked on in shock as she witnessed her mother, the Gunmen, and even Skinner in her living room. When it registered that Mulder was standing directly in front of her, her being filled with anger. At that moment, she dropped her belongings and threw a right hook to Mulder's jaw.

She bent over to pick up her bag, and while rubbing her knuckles, and set her magazine on the table, and inserted her ice cream into the freezer. Scully walked over to her mother, gave her a kiss and a hug, and continued to her bedroom.

Scully closed and locked the bedroom door behind her. It was then when she heard her mother cry, "Dana, come out! It's a party just for you!"

"Yeah, it's been a party all right," Scully muttered to herself, thinking of the
evening's "adventures."

She then heard Frohike say quietly, "Mulder, she must have been the one who slashed your tires."

"Must have been," she heard him reply. By the tone of his voice, Scully knew that Mulder was still rubbing his jaw, trying to soothe the pain from her right hook.


Not caring about those in her living room at the moment, she undressed herself, and walked into her bathroom. She made sure that the doors leading back to her bedroom and out to the hallway were both locked. Scully turned on the faucets and smiled to herself as she saw the steam and bubbles come up from the tub as she added her bath gel.

She realized that this random surprise party must have been Mulder's idea, but he picked a hell of a night to do it. She was still going to kick his ass.

But first, she was going to take her damn bubble bath.

The End

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